When I look back and I think about when I received a “wake up” call, there is such a clarity that a part of me knew EXACTLY what to do.
It was as if I was standing on one side of a tunnel, and I needed to get to the other side. Except, the tunnel was dark, shimmery, scary, crazy, big, suffocating, unknown, weird, a little creepy, but calling me through nonetheless.
Something was calling me through.
It felt like ME.
It felt like my own self, my own voice, my own inner knowing was calling me through.
“You know what to do.”
“You know you need to go through this to be on the other side.”
AND boy did I want to be on the other side.
How did I know?
I just KNEW I wanted to be there. REALLY wanted to be there. From a place of longing that I’d never even felt before I wanted to walk through. Like a call to come home. Only home was not this home where there’s bills to pay, mouths to feed, and work to do. Home was what I imagined felt like living somewhere in a quiet farmhouse, with cookies baking in the oven, surrounded by nature and enveloped in warm glowing light.
It was beckoning “Come home.”
“You can do it.”
“Enter the tunnel and walk through.”
But the “me” reluctant to step into the tunnel knew it wasn’t going to be easy.
I just KNEW it. At the core of my being I felt I’d done this before. I’d awakened in many lifetimes and I remembered the pain of it. I wasn’t even sure I believed in past lifetimes but the memories of having been in this position before felt real.
I was a reluctant awakener. Like a kid you have to pull by the hand because they are slowly walking behind you as they drag their feet.
I share this because I think many of us are reluctant awakeners. We know looking at our shadow selves, accepting total responsibility for every part of our lives, revisiting our childhood memories, the pain of childhood, the joy of childhood, every part of our lives, takes patience, support and understanding.
It takes work.
And not only is it “work,” it’s different than that really, it’s more like grief. It’s letting everything you know to be true fall away. Fall by the waste side.
You can feel lost.
Wonder who and what you are.
Wonder if you fit in. Maybe wonder if you ever fit in.
Every skill you learned to get by in this lifetime can be questioned. Everything anyone has ever told you may or may not be true.
You may need to grieve it all and release it.
And for each step you take through the tunnel you feel parts of yourself coming together in a way that they never did before. You feel a wholeness you never experienced before.
Your guides may show up.
Your angels may make themselves known and begin to walk beside you. Begin to hold your hand. They were always there and doing just that but now you see them. Now you know them. Now you can hear them.
All of the beauty can leave you feeling so high, striving to get to a place of peace, but then there is a problem. A BIG problem.
You live in a 3D world.
The life you’ve created doesn’t understand this new one filled with Angels and unicorns. It has physical pains and bills to pay and people that yell at you unexpectedly when you think you are minding your own business.
This world you live in has pain, trauma, inexplicable evils that make you cringe when you watch the news and the horrors of war.
But there is that light.
Literally the light at the end of the tunnel.
Only I don’t think the light is at the end of the tunnel. I think we carry it. I think the light is within ourselves and we are carrying it through the tunnel as we learn to let it shine brighter and brighter.
It isn’t that we reach the light on the other side, it’s that as we go inward, as we clear and release and heal all the parts of us that our crying out to be healed, we shift to a place where we only want the light.
When we hear about darkness and tragedy, we want to shine our light.
When we hear about pain and anger, we want to shine our light.
When we sink, we reflect, heal, release and get back to our light.
Light, light, light.
That is the journey of the tunnel of awakening.
When we are finally on the other side, it is so bright because WE are shining so brightly and connect to all the others who are shining too.
That is what the journey of the tunnel has taught me so far is that I just want to be in my light. If there is a block, I want to sit down and reflect, get help if I need to, and align back with my light.
It reminds me of that song “This little light of mine. I’m going to let it shine. Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.”
Depending on which side, step, middle, point you are in the tunnel my words may not make sense or they may make perfect sense.
But wherever you are is the right place for you to be.
I wish I had known that. I wish I had known that there was no sense of urgency even though it felt urgent.
I had time and you have time.
It’s about learning and applying, little by slow.
I had felt like “Oh my God, I need to do this thing right now and I have no idea what it is or what to do.”
I didn’t know if I believed in Angels or past lives. I will talk about this more later and in more depth.
This page “Waking Up” is mostly about this descent down the rabbit hole where I wanted so strongly to follow my curiosity.
And what an adventure so far.
It is closely intertwined with the page “The S%!t I Wish I’d Known.” “The S%!t I Wish I’d Known” is more the idea that even though these bits and pieces of enlightenment were occurring, I needed to keep up with my daily life and still get things done. I want to share the tools, the people, the resources which helped support me. They may help support you or you may offer tools in the comments which may be just what someone needs. What they need most in that moment.
All the posts are meant to work separately or together.
But they are all meant to bring us together and lift. Offer support.
It’s truly been an amazing journey in trying to write what I thought would be a small blog about awakening. It has changed my life. It has changed my life in such a way that I feel it’s changed many lifetimes and that of my ancestors. Which I will share why I say that and how that came to be in other posts too.
Hopefully you too can let the daily chores pile up a little as you wake up to your UNlimited self. As you explore the “BIG” you as I like to call it.
If you take away nothing else from this page or this post, I hope you take away the understanding that energy plays an important part of our lives. How we are, not who we are, is the energy we are in the world. If we are angry, it’s left in our space. Same goes for happy, in pain, heartbroken, it’s all in us and carried out.
Which doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have our feelings, it means we should feel them, explore them, let them have a voice and then get back to joy as soon as we can. Get our vibes back up as soon as we can and when it feels right for us to do so.
Because that is where the real magic happens.
And the magic isn’t exactly a new job, or money flowing in, though those things are nice too, the magic is feeling this wholeness. This place of support.
Remembering how to connect to yourself, your soul, your passion and live that way.
Remembering what a gift it is to be in this physical body and smell, touch, taste, hear, feel everything this world has to offer.
And it offers so much.
Well, onto the journey….
And as I’m writing I’m learning and growing and so curious to see how this all turns out. How my life as Nicole turns out.
I’m curious how your life as you turns out too.
I believe we’re in this together.
We really are as Bob Marley said “One Love.”
Read next post: Time to Wake Up