I don’t think anyone was more surprised than I was when my Mom popped into my head in yoga shouting, “It wasn’t sad!” “It wasn’t sad!”
I had known she was still around. I had known I could sometimes feel her presence. I had been to a medium and had it confirmed that she could hear me talking to her by the message she relayed (in this post), but I had not heard her myself and I definitely had not heard anything from spirit so clearly prior to that moment.
I was taking a Vinyasa flow class. It was the kind of class with loud music, usually current music, where you flow from one pose to another and at some point during the class my mind would go blank as I went from pose to pose. This empty space was my favorite and the kind of action/clarity combined that I CRAVED.
In that void, that space, is when I first heard her. It was as if she had been saying the same thing over and over to the point that when I heard it I knew I had been hearing it for at least a full minute or two prior. You know how that happens? When you suddenly realize someone has been talking to you but you don’t hear it until it’s loud? Kids are notorious for this—Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom! Mom!
For what she was saying to make sense, I have to backtrack a little. A few months prior to this experience I had gone to meet my Dad and Stepmom with my sons at a site where they were camping. After the boys were asleep and we were able to all relax and talk I had asked my Dad more about his relationship with my Mom.
To be fair, I asked…
What unfolded was a story about how he had doubts about marrying my Mom but he thought it was cold feet and thought that everyone felt that. He had thought about calling it off. They were divorced by the time I was three and I did not remember them together but his story made me sad.
My mom never really dated after they divorced and it made me think maybe she had lived her whole life without finding love. Maybe the one person she had married and thought she loved, never loved her back! It seemed tragic.
I kept this information to myself for several months but the weekend prior to my yoga experience I had finally told my sister. Even though she hadn’t been seeking this information and part of me didn’t know if it was unfair to tell her since I was the one who had wanted to know more, I just couldn’t hold it in. She and I discuss everything. I told her about it and it made her sad too–and then of course I felt bad for sharing it!
So now I was feeling sad for my Mom, bad about making my sister feel sad too, and was in the middle of yoga class when I started hearing, “It wasn’t sad!” “It wasn’t sad!”
I did my best to continue with the class and the flow, not wanting to stop anything I was doing so I could hear what she was saying. There were times when I was faced the wrong way, or turned to the right instead of left but I kept at it not knowing how to ensure that I could keep this link to her and hoping the instructor didn’t come over to correct me.
What she shared with me is that the way she experienced it, it wasn’t sad. It wasn’t tragic. She told me, “I had love. I had the two of you and got to experience love as a mom. And it was enough.” It was enough for her and she didn’t regret it. She said she had loved my Dad, enjoyed that feeling but that they were too different and it wasn’t the right relationship for her.
But she had loved being a mom. She didn’t feel she had missed out.
I had tears streaming down my cheeks during this and thankfully the class was not well lit. I knew it was her. I could hear her voice plain as day but also in my mind simultaneously, in a weird way. The way she explained it to me she also showed me images of the three of us together (my sister, she and I)—at the beach, roller skating, laughing in the living room. But I got to see it from her point of view. From a point of view where she felt love, and in return very loved by us. To her, the romantic love wasn’t important, for this lifetime anyway. She wanted to experience this mother/child bond and she did.
I went to the car following class and I cried.
Then I called my sister and relayed everything that I had heard so that she too could feel relieved and less burdened by sadness, and of course hoping she would believe me. Thankfully I think that she did. The interesting thing about messages from spirit is that they tend to come in such a way that it makes more sense and gives you such a wider view that it really doesn’t sound like you. What I explained to my sister were so many details and a completely different way of looking at the situation that it honestly didn’t sound like me.
Because it wasn’t.
And from that day forward I looked at my Mom’s life as one where she had raised two girls and that was what she had wanted to do.
My Dad has said before that it seemed like she had everything so under control that he never wanted to interfere and had never questioned her parenting.
And knowing my Mom she didn’t want him to interfere either, lol.
She did it her way and it was what she wanted to do.
So she had…
And I felt it was the coolest thing that she could tell me. At a time when I really needed that understanding she could offer that comforting insight.